It’s not just you. A recently published survey of 2,000 youth sports coaches and parents indicated you’re certainly not the only parent or coach who bemoans the general loss of fair play and ethical behavior. Most respondents agreed that sportsmanship was one of the most important benefits of playing youth sports. Most also agreed that good sportsmanship has declined from the time they played sports as children.

More telling, however, was that 60 percent reported they either witnessed or participated in abusive sideline behavior themselves. That’s right, coaches and parents admitted to participating in negative behaviors during a game. Could that be the underlying cause? If so, what can parents and coaches do?

What is Sportsmanship?

The dictionary defines sportsmanship as ethical play and polite and fair behavior toward teammates, coaches, those on the sidelines and opponents. Sportsmanship means winning with humility and losing with graciousness.

In April 2014, a college softball game between Florida Southern College and Eckerd College became the epitome of superior sportsmanship. Florida senior pitcher Chelsea Oglevie was one strike away from victory in her final college game when Eckerd’s Kara Oberer stepped up to bat. Oberer hit the ball out of the park for a game-winning three-run homer.

As Oberer ran the bases, her knee locked and she stopped cold. Opposing teammates Leah Pemberton and pitcher Chelsea Oglevie, in an act of true sportsmanship, ran to Oberer’s side and carried her around the bases. That is what true sportsmanship is all about.

Upping Your Game

The culture of winning at all costs is hard to fight against. Popular culture is notorious for pushing the idea that winning is everything. And when parents fall into that trap, their kids do as well.

“If you’re a parent of a child who plays youth sports, it’s your responsibility to emphasize good sportsmanship.” — Alex Perdikis

First, look at yourself and your behavior. Have you yelled at your child’s coach during a game? Or worse, yelled at your child? You may also be guilty of more subtle behaviors that undermine your child’s concept of good sportsmanship.

Follow these tips for upping your good sportsmanship quotient:

• Find the right program and coach: Choose a program and coach that makes good sportsmanship a top priority.
• Praise and encourage: Never berate any child athlete on either team, referee or coach. The same goes when watching games on TV — avoid berating an athlete’s performance. Instead, mention how hard the athlete tried and perhaps discuss what the athlete may have learned.
• Avoid emphasizing the win: Everyone wants to win. It feels great to win. But if winning is the only goal you’re  interested in, your child will miss out on many of the joys and lessons youth sports teaches. Losing teaches children that life isn’t easy and there will be times they’ll have to pick themselves up and start over.
• Examine your goals: What do you expect your child to gain from youth sports? If your goals are for your child to learn a few life lessons on the way and stay physically fit, great. If you have visions of your child making it big when you couldn’t, you have a problem. Don’t project your aspirations onto your child.
• Make it stick: If you witness your child engaging in unacceptable behaviors, do something. If it’s during a game, wait and see if the coach takes charge. If not, wait until after the game and take your child in hand. Do not accept the unacceptable.

Alex Perdikis, Koons of Silver Spring general manager and owner, lives in Chevy Chase with his wife and daughters.

If you’re a parent whose begun looking at a youth sports activity for your child, you’re probably wondering how to decide which activity to choose. Many communities have a variety of opportunities for kids from solo sports like track to team sports like soccer. How can you narrow down the choices and settle on the activity that best fits your child? Consider these tips.

First, the Why

Playing sports is a great opportunity for learning and growing. Children who play learn how to work with others, they get to know people from diverse backgrounds, they learn life lessons about winning and losing. They learn how to get back up after adversity and move on.

“Playing a sport also increases self-confidence, improves body image and, of course, improves physical health.” — Alex Perdikis

A recent study published in The Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies found higher leadership skills, self-confidence levels and self-respect in those who played sports when they were young. The results were the same even for those who played high school sports as long as 50 years ago. And, it didn’t matter if they were poor or great athletes, the benefits were the same.

Is Your Child Ready?

Typically, children are ready to mentally and physically begin some type of sport by age 6-7. That doesn’t mean all children are ready to jump right into an organized sports program at that age.

Atlanta area pediatrician Dr. Jennifer Shu recommends playing in the backyard with your child in relatively easy activities such playing catch, kicking a ball or swinging a bat. As your child’s hand-eye coordination and physical activities improve, watch which type of activity your child’s abilities seems the best fit.

When you feel your child is ready, talk with your child about joining a team. She may have a decided preference for a particular sport. He may have friends already on a team and wants to join them. Think about your child’s fitness level for the specific sport preferred. Try to come to a mutual decision.

Begin at a recreational level to get your child used to the team sport atmosphere.

Try Me!

Many youth sports programs offer tryout opportunities. Kids can come in without committing or buying a uniform and play a session or two. Both kids and their parents get an idea about whether or not a particular sport is a good fit.

Decide and Commit

Playing sports is about fun. But, it’s also about learning and growing. After you and your child have chosen the sport, sit down with each other to talk about the responsibilities that come with playing. Point out there are fees to pay and uniforms to buy.

Explain how long the season is and how much each team member relies on the other. Quitting in midseason would mean letting a lot of people down. Joining a team is a wonderful learning opportunity for a child to learn about commitment and duty to others.

You Can Bend, But You Can’t Break

You know your child better than anyone. Perhaps your child isn’t suited, either because of age, development or personality, to join an organized sports team. That’s OK. Many local organizations, such as the YMCA, provide sporting activities for children and adults alike. Typical offerings include tennis and golf lessons, gymnastics and swimming.

And, don’t be surprised if your child wants to switch to a different sport, particularly in the beginning. It may just mean your child hasn’t found the right fit yet. Let them switch a couple of times if the child’s reasoning seems sensible. But draw the line at excessive switching and flimsy reasoning. Otherwise, you’ll end up with sports equipment and your child will learn to walk away when things become a bit uncomfortable.

Alex Perdikis, Koons of Silver Spring general manager and owner, lives in Chevy Chase with his wife and daughters.

The steady decline of participation in youth sports isn’t a secret. And there’s no single reason kids no longer flock to play like they once did. But for many children, the reason is simple. Playing in a youth sports program is not fun. It may have been fun at first, but somewhere along the line the simple joy of physical activity and sharing with teammates became lost. What can parents and coaches do to bring the fun back to youth sports?

What Happens?

The reasons kids lose interest in sports varies, but an i9 Sports survey provides some surprising answers. The survey of 300 youth sports participants ranging in age from 8-14 found that 84 percent either wanted to quit at the time of the survey or have wanted to quit in the past. Even more shocking was the fact that the topmost reason most kids began playing in the first place was to have fun. But 47 percent said that’s exactly what they weren’t having.

Why no fun? Many of the respondents reported they had at some point watched their parents and coaches in a verbal dispute during a game. And nearly a third wished the adults in their lives weren’t at the game at all. In other words parents — you’re often the cause. Here’s how to fix it.

Your Fun or Mine?

Children are a resilient bunch. Without outside influences, most of them shrug off a blowout defeat and move quickly on. Many parents, on the other hand, look at losing differently. They worry losing takes the fun out of it for their child. They may worry about their child’s loss of confidence. And they may be vocal about their concerns in front of their children.

“Your idea of fun and your child’s could very well be worlds apart. As a parent, it’s your job to support and enjoy watching your child play, win or lose.”

— Alex Perdikis

If you place emphasis on winning and losing, so will your child. And there goes the fun. And there goes one of the priceless life lessons playing sports brings — learning to deal with loss and the strength to get back up and try again.

Who’s the Coach?

Picture this — you’re the kid playing soccer. Your coach pulls you aside and tells you one thing. You run back on the field and hear Dad yell. And guess what? He’s telling you to do exactly the opposite of what the coach just told you. You’re 8 years old. Who do you listen to?

Parents who coach from the sidelines place unnecessary pressure on their kids. Added pressure and conflicting loyalties is a sure-fire way to destroy enjoyment.

Likewise, don’t analyze aspects of the game or your child’s play on the ride home or any other time for that matter. Avoid bad mouthing the coach. A great question to ask on the ride home is “Did you have fun today?” Leave it at that.

Be the Great Parent

The best teacher your child will ever have is you. Even if you say all the right things, your child will follow what you do, not what you say. Be a great role model. Treat the coaches and players with respect. Never undermine the coach’s authority or depth of knowledge. If you have an issue with the coach, set up a private meeting to discuss it without your child’s presence.

Together, you and your child can make youth sports the fun and healthy activity it’s meant to be.

Alex Perdikis, Koons of Silver Spring general manager and owner, lives in Chevy Chase with his wife and daughters.