It’s not just you. A recently published survey of 2,000 youth sports coaches and parents indicated you’re certainly not the only parent or coach who bemoans the general loss of fair play and ethical behavior. Most respondents agreed that sportsmanship was one of the most important benefits of playing youth sports. Most also agreed that good sportsmanship has declined from the time they played sports as children.

More telling, however, was that 60 percent reported they either witnessed or participated in abusive sideline behavior themselves. That’s right, coaches and parents admitted to participating in negative behaviors during a game. Could that be the underlying cause? If so, what can parents and coaches do?

What is Sportsmanship?

The dictionary defines sportsmanship as ethical play and polite and fair behavior toward teammates, coaches, those on the sidelines and opponents. Sportsmanship means winning with humility and losing with graciousness.

In April 2014, a college softball game between Florida Southern College and Eckerd College became the epitome of superior sportsmanship. Florida senior pitcher Chelsea Oglevie was one strike away from victory in her final college game when Eckerd’s Kara Oberer stepped up to bat. Oberer hit the ball out of the park for a game-winning three-run homer.

As Oberer ran the bases, her knee locked and she stopped cold. Opposing teammates Leah Pemberton and pitcher Chelsea Oglevie, in an act of true sportsmanship, ran to Oberer’s side and carried her around the bases. That is what true sportsmanship is all about.

Upping Your Game

The culture of winning at all costs is hard to fight against. Popular culture is notorious for pushing the idea that winning is everything. And when parents fall into that trap, their kids do as well.

“If you’re a parent of a child who plays youth sports, it’s your responsibility to emphasize good sportsmanship.” — Alex Perdikis

First, look at yourself and your behavior. Have you yelled at your child’s coach during a game? Or worse, yelled at your child? You may also be guilty of more subtle behaviors that undermine your child’s concept of good sportsmanship.

Follow these tips for upping your good sportsmanship quotient:

• Find the right program and coach: Choose a program and coach that makes good sportsmanship a top priority.
• Praise and encourage: Never berate any child athlete on either team, referee or coach. The same goes when watching games on TV — avoid berating an athlete’s performance. Instead, mention how hard the athlete tried and perhaps discuss what the athlete may have learned.
• Avoid emphasizing the win: Everyone wants to win. It feels great to win. But if winning is the only goal you’re  interested in, your child will miss out on many of the joys and lessons youth sports teaches. Losing teaches children that life isn’t easy and there will be times they’ll have to pick themselves up and start over.
• Examine your goals: What do you expect your child to gain from youth sports? If your goals are for your child to learn a few life lessons on the way and stay physically fit, great. If you have visions of your child making it big when you couldn’t, you have a problem. Don’t project your aspirations onto your child.
• Make it stick: If you witness your child engaging in unacceptable behaviors, do something. If it’s during a game, wait and see if the coach takes charge. If not, wait until after the game and take your child in hand. Do not accept the unacceptable.

Alex Perdikis, Koons of Silver Spring general manager and owner, lives in Chevy Chase with his wife and daughters.